Don't Let Fear Stop You: Overcoming Amygdala Hijack

I had the privilege of doing a keynote talk for International Women's Day at The Zebra (Sidenote: They are like the Kayak of insurance. Check it out if you think you're paying too much for car, home, or renter's!) I thought I'd share some of the highlights from the talk with you because they resonated so much with the participants.

I know two things about human beings. One is that we are incredibly resilient. We can go through really challenging things and come through to the other side, often bringing the gift of that situation forward to help others. We go through a divorce, and then help our friends go through theirs. We struggle with toxic work environments, and lead the DEI group at our next place of employment. As Glennon Doyle says in her brilliant podcast, "We can do hard things".

The other thing I know is that we are often more trapped and left powerless by the little, niggly, annoying things that happen to us every day than we do by the really big challenges. Someone cuts us off on the highway. Someone sends a snarky Slack message. Someone gives us negative feedback. Someone looks at us disapprovingly across the table (or on Zoom)... WHAMMO! We are triggered to high heaven, and then we ruminate about it for wayyyyy longer than we should.

Why does this happen? One reason lies in your lovely brain — an almond-sized part of the brain called the amygdala that as the job of constantly scanning your environment for threats. When it senses a threat, it triggers the release of the "fight, flight, freeze or appease" response, along with stress-inducing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

The amygdala does not discriminate between real and imagined threats, it thinks all threats are life-endangering threats.

The crazy thing is that the amygdala does not discriminate between real and imagined threats, it thinks all threats are life-endangering threats. So, if a wild animal is about to attack you, that's a real, life-endangering threat. But, if you are up on stage giving a presentation and you already a bit nervous about that, and someone heckles you from the audience...uh oh! That's also a life endangering threat to your amygdala! That's why you feel like you might DIE if someone in the audience doesn't like your talk.

So, if this is how our brains work, what can we do?

I created the S.N.A.P. process for snapping back from amygdala hijack

1) S = See that you are having an amygdala hijack. The first key is awareness. Start to keep an amygdala hijack journal so that you see how frequently this happens and what the outcome is.

2) N = Notice the familiar and automatic thoughts, feelings and sensations that occur when you are hijacked. These will be familiar because they were likely created when you were very young.

Something happened like being in third grade up in front of the class speaking, and some kids laughed and made fun of you. Your brain then created a path to get out of this perceived life threatening situation called, "Speaking in front of people is not safe". So, when your amygdala senses that threat again, it will trigger similar thoughts, feelings and body sensations from that first experience.

3) A = Analyze what actually happened, versus what you infer, assume or add to the meaning of what happened. What leaves us tumbling in a snowball of powerlessness are the thoughts, feelings and sensations we attribute to what happened, more than what actually happened. (Remember, we are talking about the non-life threatening, innocuous things that make our amygdala hijack our brain.)

What leaves us tumbling in a snowball of powerlessness are the thoughts, feelings and sensations we attribute to what happened, more than what actually happened.

We want to come back with what actually happened with NO added meaning or interpretation. Analyze the situation, for example:

• What happened: I stood in front of the class. I spoke. Someone laughed.

• Then I made up: I am not safe. They don't like me. I'm a bad speaker. I should never do that again. I've got to get out of here.

• Which led to: I'm now 48 years old and afraid to speak up at work. I won't ever take the mic. I know this is holding me back in my career.

• Now I choose to: Feel the fear and do it anyway. Take a speaking class to practice. Have supporters in my life and at work to give me low-risk speaking opportunities to get more competency with this.

When you can come back to what actually happened, you can start to have some power and agency again. You can decide to do something new, rather than continue to react in the same old way.

4) P = Practice and cultivate presence. This will take practice. I recommend inviting people in your life to help you come back to what actually happened instead of colluding or corroborating your evidence that your amygdala has been gathering for your whole life.

Cultivating presence is coming back to the present moment. I teach my clients breathing practices like Box Breathing that you can do during a meeting and nobody will be the wiser.

Let's all help each other to be smarter than our amygdalas. Afterall, we are capable of amazing things and we can work with our brains to learn, grow and perform new tricks until we die! If you'd like me to come speak to your group on this topic, reach out to support@peopleatthecenter.com.